Volume 49 Number 8 August 2007
1. To successfully train my children, I must have their hearts.
Paul wrote that Christians do the will of God ‘from the heart’ (Ephesians 6:6). The children of God obey their Father from the heart. True and lasting obedience to the Father isn’t the product of external pressures—the prodding of peers, the pushing of parents, the pull of popularity, the praise of people, etc.. It’s the result of an inward decision and desire on the part of the child. It’s of the heart!
What’s true of the children of God is also true of the children of men. While offering parental instruction, Solomon said to his son, “My son, give me your heart...” (Proverbs 23:26). Though he knew he had some wise things to say to his son, he also knew they wouldn’t be fully heard and/or heeded until he received his son’s earnest attention and willing submission— his heart. Successful instruction would not, could not, and WILL NOT take place without the heart.
A child whose has given his heart to his parents obeys out of more than just fear of punishment (although, that must be in place); he does so because of a relationship. His heart ties him back to dear Father and Mother, to their warm embrace, their joy in him. And that’s not something he wants to compromise. It’s one thing that will prompt him to obey even when he’s bigger and taller than Dad, or is out of sight, and can do a thing when “no one will ever know.” For the child, it becomes the difference between obeying because he has to, and obeying because he wants to. Which leads me to another thought...
2. My heart must be turned towards my children.
“We love Him because He first loved us,”
not the other way around (1 John 4:19). God demonstrated in Jesus Christ that His heart was turned toward us, that He wanted the best for us, and was willing to give of Himself to that end. He loved in word and deed. This, in turn, prompted us to respond “in kind” (though to an infinitely lesser degree). Such love inspires love. In the same way, John the Baptist was sent first (whether figuratively or literally) to “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children” and then “the hearts of the children to their fathers...” (Malachi 4:6).Children know whether or not Mom and Dad’s hearts are turned toward them. Though they may not be able to make sense of all the details, there’s a cumulative effect they are too perceptive to miss. Mom punishes them, yet not because she’s trying to genuinely help them, but because of some other reason—her own pride, maybe, to make sure that they don’t ever embarrass her in front of her friends, again. They can’t put their finger on it, but they know that spanking wasn’t out of love. Dad works a lot of overtime, and isn’t home much, but not so he can put food on the table. Rather, he likes the fulfillment he finds at work, and is glad for an excuse to stay away from home. Once again, they don’t fully grasp the situation, but they know something’s awry. They know, and they respond...in kind. In parenting, you get what you give. Children are very reliable mirrors.
3. I must guard my children’s hearts.
Solomon said,
“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). The heart must be kept secure, guarded from polluted input, since like your computer, it operates on this rule: Garbage in, garbage out. “[O]ut of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). But “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” (Proverbs 22:15). Can my children keep their own hearts? No. They’re not equipped for that. So, the keeping of their hearts falls to me. I must stand watch, and guard their precious hearts, till they “grow in wisdom” and “shall know to refuse the evil and choose the good” (Isaiah 7:16).I find it profoundly sobering to remember that a child is born into the world a blank book. Blank. Void of any writing on the pages of the mind and heart. Blank, but open and ready to be written in, and totally
“devoid of understanding” when it comes to who should be writing, and what. Yet there are many ready writers: neighbors, acquaintances, strangers, teachers, books, musicians, children, the television, the radio, the computer, the magazine rack. Ready writers, pens in hand, and though not all are intentionally out to undermine my instruction, not all are wise, “not all have faith.” I must be careful in whom or what I put my faith. Not everyone deserves the right to write. God put the pen (and the book!) in my hand (Ephesians 6:4). With His help, I’m to be chief writer, as well as editor and censor. For the sake of my child’s heart...and future.Eli, Samuel, and David were all righteous men, but lost their children to the wicked one. So many have. And, too often, it’s been only because they didn’t guard their children’s hearts, didn’t acquire their children’s hearts, didn’t turn their own hearts to their children sufficiently to avoid the catastrophe.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Jesus said,
“Let the little children come to Me” (Matthew 19:14). May we, through whole-hearted effort towards our children, do just that.