Volume 39 Number 12                                                                                     August 1997

Many have observed that good manners have become an endangered species, though they have yet to gain "protected" status. Nearly everyone still enjoys being on the receiving end of polite treatment, but few care to cultivate the behavior in themselves. There is a lot to be said in favor of good manners, simple politeness, but in fact it takes some effort and motivation to incorporate good manners in our normal behavior. For Christians that motivation is simply expressed when Paul says that "love is not rude" (or "ill-mannered" or "unseemly," 1 Corinthians. 13:5).

Though good manners are of value to everyone and good for all of society, people cannot generally be expected to behave well for a vague and intangible purpose. The easiest and perhaps most natural response to bad behavior is bad behavior. Bad manners may contribute to societal decay and an overall atmosphere of violence and intolerance, but few people think about such concepts in a moment of anger, frustration, or impatience. In fact there are multitudes of training programs today that actually encourage bad manners as a device for personal success under the banner of "assertiveness."

Some might suppose that the solution to the problems associated with bad manners in general is to be found in fear ("an armed society is a polite society") or else in regimentation and mandated conformity. These are unlikely solutions though since they do not address the basic problem of (not) respecting and caring for other people. Neither fear nor rules can provide effective motivation for a good attitude. The attitude that produces good manners is a product of training and motivation. People will not behave well unless they 1) want to behave well and 2) know how to. "Love is not rude." People have to learn again to value people. Christian leaders are directed to teach people "to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show every courtesy to everyone" (Titus 3:2 NRSV). The church is to be a training ground for good manners. The Christian way of life is directly based on values that demand good manners, respectful and polite treatment of other people thoughtfulness even toward anonymous strangers. Wherever society's manners may go, the Christian mandate is to behave well among the misbehaving.